Late to The One! A review of The Matrix

Late to The One! A review of The Matrix

Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you’ll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

So, I had to watch The Matrix twice.

The first time I watched it (back in June), I did not get it. Nor did I like it. Nor did I care. But, you know, there were reviews to write or whatever, so I decided to give it a second shot.

I really am glad I gave it a second shot, because after seeing it again I realized The Matrix is a lot like Inception. Or Inception is a lot like the Matrix. Fine. There’s a lot of philosophical gibberish, dream versus reality confusion, and both movies made my brain hurt some. But I like Inception better and it’s honestly because a strong point of The Matrix is that it’s also an action movie and, really, if it’s not Bruce Willis in a wife beater, I’m just not super impressed by guns blazing. I’m sorry. I really am (not). Also I just prefer Christopher Nolan. The Wachowskis made me hate V for Vendetta, which sucked because I love that graphic novel (READ IT).

I think this is a movie that I really missed out on by not seeing it when it came out. I can tell it was groundbreaking and mind-blowing for the time. I like that as an action movie, it has a very thoughtful plot (albeit deliberately confusing). I just don’t care much for the wire Kung Fu sequences because, eh, I saw that in Kill Bill and then I got over it.

Finally, Keanu Reeves. He is strangely attractive but he is just the worst. I will always love him because he was Jack in Speed and he said his one-sentence lines very well and looked good in that movie, but come on. It’s hard to ever take him seriously.

Face palm moment: I got super excited when I saw Tank– the actor was on a really good Law and Order: SVU episode where he plays a child of rape (his African-American father raped his Asian-American mother). I don’t remember the rest.

Also, I am the worst about letting go of old characters– do you watch The Americans? SO GOOD, but I can barely watch it because the lead male role was the whiny gay lawyer brother in Brothers & Sisters— so seeing Carrie-Anne Moss and feeling anything but contempt was difficult. She was the worst, most evil in Memento.

Favorite part: Joe Pantoliano is the best all-time asshole, right? Of course, I prefer him as Ralph Cifaretto on the Sopranos but mostly because


his head ends up in a bag.

The “I missed that in pop culture trivia” moment: Blue pill versus red pill, follow the white rabbit, never send a human to do a machine’s job. The basics.

Regrettable tardiness scale (out of 10): 9/10. This review sounds pretty negative, but I think I would have liked the movie a lot had I seen it in 1999. I doubt I’ll bother with the rest of the trilogy unless others object.

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