Meg: If she were any quieter, she’d be dead.
So one of the first suggestions I received for scary movies to watch was Sleepaway Camp. The suggestion came from my friend Adam in Utah and you know what they say about people from Utah– you can’t trust them. Right? Is that what they say? I don’t really know actually.
I want to warn everyone that I plan for this blog post to be quite spoiler alert-y. If you have any desire to watch this movie and be surprised (or if you have any desire to not read a totally crappily written review), don’t read any further.
Let’s see. The movie starts with a dude named John and his two kids (Angela and Peter) who are swimming in a lake after their boat flips over. Through some very outstanding visual effects, you determine that a motorboat runs the family over and kills John and Peter.
Several years later, Angela and her cousin Ricky are sent off to camp by Angela’s aunt who resembles a drag queen. At the camp, Angela gets teased by a bunch of super heinous bitches. Her cousin tries to protect her but apparently everyone who attends this camp is terrible and won’t stop picking on her.
AND THEN THE KILLINGS START.
Let’s review the killings that take place.
- I’m not sure if the cook actually dies but he gets a huge pot of boiling water thrown on him.
- Some jerk drowns. No big deal. Although his body does seem to rot at an alarming rate.
- A camper tells a group of people he’s going to go take a ‘WICKED DUMP.’ While he’s on the toilet, somebody puts a beehive in the bathroom and he dies from the bee attack.
- A girl is stabbed with a knife in her back. No big deal.
- Another girl is knocked out and then killed by curling iron inserted in her, ahem, lady parts.
- Some old dude is killed after being shot in the throat by an arrow.
In the middle of all these killings, you also come across some weird flashback where it turns out that Angela and her brother used to kiss and then Angela’s dad was gay. I don’t know.
So the entire time you are pretty certain that Angela is doing all of the killing. But what you don’t know is that Angela is actually Peter. Yes, Angela is a dude. Her drag queen aunt really wanted a girl so she brought Peter up as Angela. But you do also see Angela/Peter’s man parts so apparently the aunt didn’t shell out the money for a gender change operation. Could all of these lives have been saved? Who knows.
Face palm moment: This might have been worse than Pet Sematary? I like the evil cat in Pet Sematary though so it had that redeeming quality.
Favorite part: Any scene with the aunt. I love the way she looks to the side and ponders things so delicately. Especially when she reveals that she made Peter into a girl.
The “I missed that in pop culture trivia” moment: “Meet Me at the Waterfront After the Social” is a Blood Brothers song from an album I had in another life, and it’s from a line in the movie. Also, apparently Camp Kill Yourself (CKY) is named after this movie. Cool.
Regrettable tardiness scale (out of 10): 1/10. I was going to say I don’t usually love cult classics but I am a fan of The Room…