Late to big adventures! A review of Hook

Late to big adventures! A review of Hook

Granny Wendy: So… your adventures are over.

Peter Banning: Oh, no. To live… to live would be an awfully big adventure.

Hook (1991)

Hook (1991)

Everyone has a movie (or two or three or four) that they always have to stop and watch whenever it comes on TV. Mine are Ghostbusters (I & II), Speed, Bring It On, and Jumanji.

Why Jumanji, you ask? (Or maybe you don’t really ask but just humor me here) The CGI is really horrible, Kirsten Dunst is dreadful and David Alan Grier is… in the movie. It’s pretty bad all around. But there’s something I always loved about Robin Williams when he starred in movies with kids. He seemed so fun, so sincere. He had such great energy. I always felt like he had great chemistry with child actors and, as a kid, that’s something that you recognize and appreciate when you watch a movie (or at least, I did). Sure, I really, really, really liked Good Will Hunting. But, while they aren’t necessarily his best films, my favorite Robin Williams movies will always be those with younger co-stars (see: Mrs. Doubtfire, Dead Poet’s Society, even Jack).

That is the reason I decided to watch Hook over Good Morning, Vietnam this week. By all accounts, Good Morning, Vietnam is the better film. But I wanted to watch something that represented what I appreciated the most about Robin Williams, and Hook was the best fit.

“Do you know what I wish? I wish I had a dad like you, Peter.”

This line made me tear up a little. In fact, the entire movie made me tear up a little. I think if I had watched Hook prior to Williams’s passing, I would have had a review similar to that time I watched Goonies. It’s not a great movie– it’s pretty cliché, it’s pretty silly and Julia Roberts has AWFUL hair. But like Goonies, it’s the kind of movie that would, should, usually make me feel like a kid again. I felt so distracted and melancholy the entire time, which is a pretty inappropriate feeling for this movie. I think it’s a movie I’ll watch again in a year or so and enjoy it, and definitely a movie that I’ll show my kids. For me, this time, it just made me too damn sad.

*Sidenote: I had no idea from posters or my basic knowledge of the film that Dustin Hoffman played Hook. He is FANTASTIC.

*Sidenote II: I am planning to watch Good Morning, Vietnam soon, so don’t get mad at me.

Face palm moment: First ever Bob Hoskins movie. I know. I’m a bad person and it’s time to accept it.

Oh. And honestly, Julia Roberts’s baby/pixie voice is the worst.

Favorite part: There are some seriously fantastic sick burns in this movie.

  • Boil-dripping, beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt
  • Nearsighted gynecologist
  • You are fart factory, Slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side
  • Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig
  • You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude
  • You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin’ paramecium brain, munchin’ on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!
  • Prison Barber
  • Oh, Rufio, why don’t you just go suck on a dead dog’s nose

Dayum.

The “I missed that in pop culture trivia” moment: Bangarang!

Regrettable tardiness scale (out of 10): Overall I think this would’ve been more enjoyable at a young age, like Goonies. 6/10. 

One comment

  • Fun fact: For his portrayal of Captain Hook, Dustin Hoffman patterned his speech after William F. Buckley. You’ll never be able to see an old Buckley clip (why you would want to see one of those is beyond me) without imagining him as a pirate.

    Reply

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